Reality Check
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Annie visits Dean Pelton at his new condo and tries to make him back off Jeff, not wanting him to get hurt and carried away by his feelings for Jeff - much like she has. But then she runs into Jeff and finds out some new details about his own feelings. Spoilers for ep 401 and spoilers/speculation for 403. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**This contains spoilers for episode 401, but the main spoilers are for a J/A centered plot line coming up in episode 403 next week, so this is set after that episode. There's no word on how this plot will turn out, yet this is pre-emptive damage control in case it doesn't make Annie look good or makes her look too childish – or doesn't make J/A in general look promising for the future.**

Annie barely let herself take in how the Dean had decorated his apartment. She'd probably go blind if she looked too hard at the glitter and colors anyway. In any case, she had a task ahead of her that she couldn't get distracted from.

"So Annie, what can I Dean you for?" Dean Pelton asked. He didn't even find a word that rhymed with Dean before he started the puns. Maybe Annie could work that concern in somewhere, but she had to get to her main point first.

"Dean, you can Dean one thing for me," Annie almost rolled her eyes at herself. "I need you to back off Jeff."

Dean Pelton looked at her curiously, but without much shock on his face. "Oh, I knew this day would come. I almost thought Britta would try it first for some reason, but it makes more sense with you. You're afraid I'm stealing Jeffrey away from you."

"What? Dean, that's not what I'm afraid of!" Annie said. "I'm more afraid for Jeff than me! You moved next door to pretty much stalk him! Don't you think that's going too far?"

"You can't stalk the willing, Annie. You can't stalk best friends either, so double points for me!" the Dean cheered.

"You can't really visit best friends every night. Not if they don't want you there, and I'm sure he doesn't!" Annie exclaimed.

"Did he send you? Is this one of his hard to get games? He's done better, but you're making it more original than he has," the Dean praised.

"He doesn't know I'm here. I'm asking you to leave him alone by myself," Annie stated.

"Okay, how am I _not _supposed to believe you don't want me to steal Jeffrey? My brain can't do _all _the heavy lifting here!" Dean Pelton said.

"Jeff's not yours, and he's not mine either! I learned that the hard way, and I don't want you to do that too!" Annie got to the point.

At that point, Annie had to make herself calm down. Everything she'd been through lately, and everything she'd figured out, was supposed to make her calm and accepting. Now she would come full circle and stop the Dean from going over the Jeff cliff, like she almost did. And then it would really all be over.

"Dean, you remember that me and Jeff kissed before, right?" Annie asked.

"That's still part of my conspiracy flashbacks and nightmares, yes," the Dean assured.

"Right. Well, Jeff told me later that any romance between us was in my head. I couldn't believe that until I went in Abed's dreamatorium. It taught me I was in love with the idea of being loved, not with Jeff. But eventually, I thought I was just telling myself that because he hurt me. And then I was Mrs. Winger at the Inspector Spacetime convention," Annie transitioned into.

"Okay, you worked for my newspaper, so I _know _you know not to bury the lead like that!" the Dean panicked. "Where's the wedding ring? At least tell me it matches his eyes!"

"We pretended so we'd get a good hotel room, Dean!" Annie cleared up.

"So you _didn't _sell it with a ring that matches God's canvas. Is that what you mean?" the Dean asked.

"I don't mean any of that!" Annie sighed. "We didn't even spend much time together! I was all alone, wondering what it'd be like to be Mrs. Winger for real. And it wasn't very flattering. I don't want to get into how and why that was. But needless to say, I learned about separating my Jeff fantasies from reality. And I'm tired of having to learn that lesson over and over."

Annie kept closing in on her main point and continued, "It's not healthy for me to think something might happen with Jeff, when it clearly won't. He's not some fantasy, or some way to prove I can be loved. He's just as screwed up as I am, so that makes us equal. But if that was enough to bring us together, it would have happened already. But it won't. It…can't."

Now that the main point was at hand, Annie finished, "I'm here because I don't want you to go through that too. Please, stop being so Jeff crazy before you lose yourself. You already have a bit, but it's not too late."

The Dean looked skeptical, which wasn't that surprising to Annie, although it was disappointing. "Is this a trick? Are you just getting rid of the competition?" he asked.

"We're not in competition!" Annie stated. She then regrouped and took another approach.

"Dean, I know what you're going through. You're too sad to see Jeff moving on. You've never been connected to anyone else like you are with him. But he's not ready, willing or able to be that connected with you. Or me. I need to stop thinking it might happen, and you do too," Annie hoped.

"But I've never been this close before! I know I can get it right this time! I have to, it's my last chance!" Dean Pelton declared.

"Is that all you care about? You have a lot more going for you than Jeff. You're more well rounded than that, or at least you used to be," Annie reminded.

"I don't know if you're subtly calling me thin or fat. But thank you and hey!" the Dean covered his tracks.

"Come on, you know what I meant! You're not that dumb yet," Annie said before cringing a bit. Despite everything, talking to a school authority figure like that was still uncomfortable for her. But the Dean did need tough love and some gentler support to wash it down.

"Dean, you and I are a lot alike. We both thought we were too good for this place at first. We both didn't have anyone until we met Jeff and the study group, and we've both been transformed by Greendale. But all my progress will be ruined if I don't close the door with Jeff. It's already happening to you too," Annie pointed out again.

"What the Dean are you talking about? If you're just going in circles, I don't have time. I have to try a bunch of new outfits before I see Jeffrey tonight, and I can't listen to _two _nagging voices in my head while I do it!" the Dean argued.

"See, there it is! All you do now is make Dean puns, try on outfits and stalk Jeff! I could understand some of it at first, but now it's just creepy! Creepy childishness is all you've been doing lately, and I know that's not all of you! I know that because it could have been all of me too!" Annie said.

"I find a lot of that hard to believe. And not just the stuff about me," the Dean answered. The last part surprised Annie a bit, but she continued on.

"I know we're both not creepy children. But something inside ourselves makes us forget it once in a while, even when we should know better already. It makes us forget we shouldn't idolize someone who can't love us. I'm breaking that habit now, and you'd be better off if you did it too. If you do, maybe you can become real friends with Jeff, instead of just someone who….sees something with him that's not there," Annie exclaimed.

"Okay, this is getting uncomfortable," the Dean cringed.

"It should, that's how reality checks work. But I had to figure mine out on my own. I'm not going to let you do that too," Annie assured as she sat next to the Dean. "He's not going to love you or be your best friend. He might be a new Jeff, but he still doesn't believe in those things. If you think you can change him, or should change him to prove something about yourself, then you don't know how love and friendship work. Trust me."

"I trust you with school stuff. But this…." Dean Pelton trailed off.

"You know I'm right. There's more to you than Jeff worship, or at least there was. I know there's a lot more to me. I just can't forget it every few weeks or months like I usually do," Annie admitted. "It'll help me a lot if you won't make the same mistakes I did. Technically, you've made worse mistakes, but it can stop now. It'd help Jeff, and it would _really _help you."

Once Annie finished making her case, she was encouraged to see the Dean thinking it over. However, he concluded, "I'm sorry, Annie. You're making _some _sense, but I can't stop thinking you'd muscle in on Jeffrey if I backed off. My paranoid side has a big head start on my logical side, and I can't close a gap like that myself!"

Annie was saddened, but not that surprised. Mainly because she came prepared.

"All right. If logic won't work on you, let's put it _all _out there," she warned. "Let's talk about something else. Like how I'm the one who moved your stapler. And I helped put popcorn in your car too."

"That was _you_?" the Dean gasped. "I put Leonard on a most wanted list for nothing? For the first time?"

"That's right. It was all Senioritus Annie. And she's been laying low since then," Annie got into character and into a new accent. "But if you don't give Jeff some space and stop buggin' him, she'll wake up and make your neat, careful life a livin' hell! She already found five new ways to prank your new house alone, you hear?"

"She wouldn't! She has no idea what she'd do to me! I can never look at my stapler the same way again!" the Dean said.

"Well, your stapler won't be alone. Or it will, it's up to you. She doesn't care either way. The only learnin' and lessons she cares about is teachin' guys like you a long overdue lesson," Annie warned before looking over. "You know, she could use those heels as part of her lesson plan."

"No! Not my tango heels!" the Dean panicked. "Fine, fine! Tell her I got the message! Just put her back to sleep, okay?"

"I knew that'd get her napping again," Annie declared, barely caring that she used g's again.

"So what, that means I have to move away from Jeffrey?" the Dean checked.

"Not necessarily. I mean, it's still creepy, but it doesn't have to be creepier," Annie said. "Just don't visit Jeff every night like you're been doing. Don't slap or squeeze his chest every time you're near him. Try dressing up in crazy man clothes again once in a while. And when he doesn't want to hang out with you, try _not _hanging out with him anyway."

"Oh, it's that easy?" the Dean asked, with a slight sarcastic tone. "It might be for you because _you_ have other friends. Despite what you said, not all of us are like you."

"But you are one of us," Annie assured. "You're not an official study group member, and you keep stalking our leader. But I've always thought you were one of us deep down. That's why I want you to be happy and be loved. But for the _right _reasons." Her throat caught a bit before she finished, "You can still do that. Just please don't be like me."

She ignored the flashback she got to the end of the yam trial, and prepared to make her way out of the apartment. Yet the Dean stopped her by calling out, "Annie!" in a tone that actually sounded concerned. She stopped as he went up to her and asked, "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I will be now," Annie said, now that she thought she got through to him.

"You were a little hard on me. But you shouldn't be that hard on you, too," the Dean stated. Since he said hard twice and didn't expand on it, it meant he was being serious. "You might be the smartest student Greendale's ever had. You're not some love sick school girl, you're a growing woman! And you're certainly not desperate for Jeffrey like I am."

"I know I'm not. But I keep making myself look like I am, and I shouldn't. Especially now that I have a new major. Not to mention no idea what to do with my life anymore," Annie recapped. Yet she owed the Dean the courtesy of not rambling about that issue.

"Do you want me to find an extra credit class for you? You can always go back on the paper and slander me as a racist," the Dean tried to perk Annie up.

"Thanks for the offer, but I'll be okay. Not being Mrs. Winger, or anything close to it, isn't the worst thing in the world. If I can figure that out and make it stick, so can you. If you can't, you can always call me," Annie promised.

"Well, if my nights are free now, I'll have to call someone, right?" Dean Pelton pointed out. It still sounded a little off, but it was progress. He then added, "Jeffrey wouldn't offer that to me. Would he?"

"Maybe. But not when you're at your worst. Or when I'm at my worst. Even at our best, it's 50-50 on any given day," Annie admitted. "But it would have been 10-90 before. He _is _getting so much better, and he is an amazing friend most of the time now."

Now that Annie finally gave Jeff some deserved praise, she was more comfortable with adding, "We just can't force him to be like the way we want. Or wanted. I know I can't do it anymore."

In lue of bringing the Dean down further, Annie gave an encouraging smile that hopefully conveyed her support and friendship. Once he nodded, Annie took that cue to leave on a good note.

After closing the Dean's door, Annie breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she didn't get Dean Pelton to quit Jeff cold turkey. But if she laid the groundwork for him to back off and start being his own man again, then she did what she came out to do.

She came full circle by stopping someone else from being Jeff obsessed. Of course, he was already more Jeff obsessed than she'd ever been, even during those daydreams at the convention. But the things she realized in those daydreams, and the implications of having them in the first place even now, were as far gone as she wanted to get.

It was time to close the door on being closer to Jeff, once and for all. Maybe getting the Dean to give him some space would be a good enough closing gesture. Not that he'd ever know about it.

Then Annie saw that Jeff's apartment door was open – and saw Jeff looking at her from behind it. So much for that theory.


	2. Chapter 2

**To repeat, this contains some spoilers for a subplot in episode 403 next week – but how it turns out, how Jeff and Annie act, and how Annie looks as a result is complete speculation on my part. It's worst case speculation that may not come true. But since it could go either way, I'm pre-emptively giving the worst case scenario a better outcome - and doing some meta commentary on how the show makes Annie look sometimes, and could do again next week, in the process.**

After Jeff shut his door, Annie froze in the middle of the hall. She didn't know if she should knock and find out what he'd been doing, or just walk away. After all, if she was really closing the door on Jeff, she shouldn't be opening any doors of his again.

Besides, having one more undefined, awkward incident that would never be addressed would be a fitting way to end things.

But the decision was made for Annie when Jeff opened his door again. "Well? Are you going to make one more house call or not?" she heard Jeff quip. Against what she suspected was her better judgment, she brought herself to enter Jeff's apartment.

"Okay, Jeff. What do you think you saw out there?" Annie got to the point.

"Only two things, really. First I saw you knocking on his door a few minutes ago, then I saw you coming out of there. Was there some third thing I should have magically figured out?" Jeff asked in a curious tone Annie couldn't pinpoint.

"You weren't supposed to know I was there," Annie said. "But you can't tell him you know."

"It's not like he listens to me anyway, so what difference would it make?" Jeff groaned.

"He might, now that I made him give you some space. At least I hope I did," Annie hoped. "But if he thinks you sent me, he won't take what I said seriously. He really should, but Jeff-crazy people will use any excuse not to see logic."

"Don't I know it," Jeff answered instinctively, but then seemed to give it more thought. Annie realized she might have sounded too much like an expert, and wondered if she should make her retreat. Yet Jeff stopped her in her tracks with a few questions.

"Wait, I didn't ask you to make him leave me alone. Why'd you do it anyway? Heck, if that was an option for you, why'd you wait until now?" Jeff wondered. "I mean, if you knew how to make him stop, it would have helped if you did it weeks ago. And how'd you know how to make him stop anyway?"

Every answer she had was too uncomfortable for Annie to face again; let alone with Jeff there to hear them now. Maybe if he had heard them, it would close the door for good, especially since it'd ruin whatever friendship they had left.

Nevertheless, Annie still wasn't ready to give up that much. "I guess it just came to me. If it worked, and it probably did, the details don't matter," she reasoned.

"_If _it worked. Maybe if I put my Winger spin on it, there'd be no doubt," Jeff theorized.

"If your Winger spin was _that_ good, you would have made him back off weeks ago. If not years ago," Annie pointed out, trying to make it sound like a playful dig to lighten the mood. "If I didn't step in, you probably would have made it worse. Or made him worse. Or made us and all of Greendale worse in the fallout."

"That has been the pattern so far," Jeff surprisingly admitted.

"I know," Annie said with a smile that was both calculated and genuine. "I'll bet you were a day away from acting like my husband again, just to make him stop!"

And in that moment, Annie realized she let her guard down too much. But groaning, "Damnit!" after she realized it didn't make it any better. All she could do was turn away from Jeff and hope the fallout wasn't too bad.

"Okay, now I have a few more questions. And I could use some answers this time," she heard Jeff say.

"Why?" Annie asked, before realizing that was a childish answer. The whole point of this was to put childish things, thoughts and fantasies behind her forever. By that standard, denial and hiding feelings wasn't the adult thing to do this time.

Being an adult meant facing harsh truths and coming to terms with reality. Annie had done this largely on her own, or at least she hoped she had. Perhaps letting Jeff in on it was her final test before she could finally move on.

"Okay, Jeff. Here are your answers," Annie started. She then turned to face him again, and tried not to look directly at his eyes. If they looked indifferent, it wouldn't help her. But on the off chance they looked more open than expected, it might help even less.

"If the Dean kept harassing you, I figured you'd get desperate enough to make me your pretend girlfriend. I mean, we already did it at the convention. I was afraid you'd try that again soon, rather than waste time thinking of something new. So I wanted to make him leave you alone myself first," Annie revealed.

"Wait, you were _afraid _I'd try that with you?" Jeff took out of that, which didn't really surprise Annie.

"Yeah, because the first time wasn't that good for me, Jeff!" Annie clued him in.

"Oh," Jeff said – far too ambiguously than Annie would have liked. "Were the hotel perks _that _bad?"

Annie wanted to believe he asked such a dumb, off base question because he didn't want to face the real issue. But wanting to believe in Jeff, even with no real evidence, had cost her too much already.

"It wasn't the perks, Jeff. It was how we didn't spend any time as 'man and wife.' You went off on your own thing and talked to other women. I had to pretend to be jealous to fool the hotel staff, then I wound up daydreaming while you left me alone. I went through all that because we were fake married, and you didn't give it a second thought," Annie recapped.

"Hold on, I wasn't obligated to spend any time with you," Jeff said defensively, but with a bit of that odd tone still there. "Even fake husbands and wives need me time."

"I know that. I'm not mad at you for that, not for real. I just needed to set up what I _am _mad at," Annie explained.

"Which is something other than me, I assume?" Jeff guessed.

"Someone, actually. Me, specifically," Annie answered. She knew she needed to say more, but it had all been jumbled in her brain for days. Putting it into a speech out loud took a while to sort out, yet she eventually settled on the right order.

"Jeff, I had a lot of time to myself to imagine things. Mainly, being married to you. And I didn't like it at the end," Annie got to the point as Jeff frowned.

"I didn't like idolizing you when I should know better by now. I didn't like how I had to realize, yet again, that you're not some ideal dream guy fantasy. You're a better friend these days, for the most part, but I know you'll never be some dreamy husband. But I got caught up in fantasies of you again, and I don't want to do that anymore," Annie declared.

Jeff had nothing to say for a while, but when he did, it temporarily stunned Annie. "You imagined I was a bad husband?" he asked in a less even tone than Annie expected.

"Not bad, just not ideal. You're not husband material, Jeff. You've told us that for years, and it's time I started listening," Annie said. "I've always known that, but I keep forgetting for some dumb reason. And I should know _much_ better by now. When I don't, I wind up hating myself for being childish and stupid."

"So fantasizing about me is childish and stupid?" Jeff asked.

"Yes it is!" Annie lost patience. "It's been childish and stupid for two years, Jeff. I know we wouldn't have worked out after that transfer kiss. I know I was seeing things that weren't there, like you said. I know I was just in love with the idea of you and nothing more. But every time I'm ready to move on, I think like a lovesick child again, out of nowhere. And that's not who I should be. No matter what dumb part of me won't grow up!"

This was everything Jeff probably wanted to hear for over two years, and yet he didn't look relieved. Whether it was for her benefit, or for something else, Annie couldn't let herself go into that. She continued, "Hell, we couldn't even communicate to make a Halloween pairs costume, Jeff. What does that tell you?"

"That you don't watch enough boxing?" Jeff tried to joke. But to his credit, he didn't seem happy about it.

"Okay, maybe I should have known what a ring girl really was. But you can't just assume I know these things. I assumed things about you that were wrong for years, and look where we are now," Annie pointed out.

Jeff was silent again, as he didn't have another surprising statement that Annie wouldn't – or couldn't – focus on. So she went on with, "That marriage fantasy was the last straw, Jeff. It's time I stopped thinking that way about you. I really have stopped for the most part, but _something _keeps making me do it anyway. So I thought if I kept the Dean from turning out like me, I could start putting it behind me forever."

"You thought you were _anything _like him?" Jeff finally spoke up. "You never stalked me like he did. And you've never tangoed with me either!"

"And now I never will," Annie stated. "He's going to give you space, and so I am. You finally got what you wanted. What I should have wanted a long time ago."

"I never wanted, I mean, you, him….Annie, just hold on!" Jeff babbled. The sheer novelty of words escaping him – at least in this manner – made her hold on. She froze until he asked, "You think you're some childish girly girl for thinking of me that way?"

"I know that's how I look, Jeff. I don't know why I still do that. But somehow, I keep seeing you as something I know you're not. And the fact it's so one-sided makes me look _and_ feel pathetic," Annie said.

"Is that what you think this is?" Jeff pressed on.

"You've made that obvious for years. How else am I supposed to see it? I'm done avoiding the truth, Jeff," Annie promised.

"Well, the truth is you're not a child anymore. I'm done avoiding that too," Jeff temporarily stunned Annie.

"Then why do I still act like one when it comes to you? Even when I know better?" Annie challenged.

"It only makes you look like a child if it's one-sided. And regardless, it's a stupid double standard if _you're _the child. Then what does that make me?" Jeff asked before he suddenly ran out of steam.

"What does it make you?" Annie dared to ask. "Jeff, what does it…." But she stopped when she saw him clamming up. And it made her hate her brain for imagining something different all over again. "Forget it," she concluded.

"Forget it?" Jeff repeated, not helping things at all.

"Jeff, that's exactly what I'm tired of. The uncertainty," Annie started. "I hate not knowing everything, you know that. When I don't know something, like how you feel or how I feel, it makes my imagination get away from me. And when that happens, especially with you, it doesn't make me look good. Or feel good about myself at all."

Annie bit her lip before she got more emotional, then continued, "I'm uncertain enough already, you know? I have a new major, I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life anymore….and I can't talk to you about it because you're leaving."

Jeff began to speak up, but Annie cut him off by assuming, "I know we'll all still be together when you graduate. But we'll only be students together for a few more months. That's just one reason why I can't get attached to you all over again. You want to leave as fast as possible, and I have to respect that. I can't change you like I wanted to do all this time."

"Is _that _what you think you were doing?" Jeff exclaimed. "Wow. Your imagination does get out of hand. So that's what happens when I don't tell you things."

"Jeff…." Annie sighed out. That sort of half-admission should have made her hopeful and curious, but now she was just tired. She was just too tired after all these years.

"Jeff, I can't let these half-truths and almost-truths keep doing things to me. So either tell me everything, or let's just shut the door on this for good," she asked, before cringing at her choice of words.

"Why is that making _you _cringe?" Jeff wondered.

"Because that was the wrong choice of words," Annie answered. "I shouldn't ask that from you, Jeff. I did it at the men's room and after you slept with Britta, and it clearly didn't work. And I know you're not good at being put on the spot like that. You _are _better than you were back then, so it's not fair to keep demanding more from you."

"You're worried about being fair to _me_?" Jeff realized.

"Of course. I still want us to be friends, Jeff. That's why I can't daydream about you. And I can't force you to do things you aren't ready for. With me or anyone. I thought I'd be ready to follow through after I talked to the Dean. Maybe I am now," Annie ruled.

"But I –" Jeff started before stopping yet again. Annie sighed and was ready to leave, not seeing how she could end this any better. Maybe it wasn't meant to end any better than this. Maybe it was the grown up thing to just walk away.

"No," Jeff seemed to answer for her. Then he sighed and added, "God, New Jeff is the _worst_. Never tell Britta I said that."

Before Annie could agree, Jeff turned back to her, leaving her no choice but to notice how open – and maybe even scared – his eyes looked right now.

"You want truth? You want to know why me being your husband isn't a childish fantasy? Because it's not so childish if _I _thought about marriage with _you _too!" Jeff revealed.

"You're just saying that," was Annie's first thought. Or at least the first thought she wanted to acknowledge. "You avoided me for most of that convention. I was going through a whole emotional rollercoaster, and you were care free."

"That's how I needed it to look. It was better than the alternative," Jeff filled in. "I mean, I've ranted against marriage my whole adult life. _Of course_ I would run away when I thought…."

Jeff seemed to physically force himself to continue with, "When I thought about being married to you, I liked it. Just for a second, mind you! Maybe two, if we're being generous! But for the first time in my life, I _liked _thinking about being married, and I liked it with _you_! Happy now?"

If Annie was still a mere child, she would have been. But she sensed one of those complicated parts of adulthood was coming.


	3. Chapter 3

Annie heard Jeff pacing around the apartment, but couldn't look at him. Yet his recent confession obviously made them both jumpy. Neither of them wanted to be the first to follow up, for obvious reasons.

Annie knew that the grown up thing to do was to face this, instead of letting another moment get swept under the rug. But if she opened that Pandora's box, who knows how she might get carried away? And if Jeff didn't want to face something this big, it would be useless to keep pushing him. Or risk him lashing out yet again when he was cornered.

She told herself she wouldn't risk that again. She told herself it wasn't worth it, especially for something that wasn't real. She wouldn't let herself forget to know better yet again. She –

But then she finally took a look at him.

Jeff was on his couch, his face buried into his hands. If he was hiding his face from view, he must have been a real wreck. And he had a right to be.

What Jeff had revealed must have been huge for him. To even feel it at all was huge for him. For someone who rejected marriage, love and other sappy things for over 25 years, this was a huge, scary step.

Of course he didn't know what to do about it. Of course it would have made him scared. Of course it made him keep his distance. And of course he'd go back to his old self when he faced scary things. Just like Annie had done.

Now it was Annie who felt like a jerk. Here she was, thinking only of herself, her own character and what she was going through. She never considered what Jeff was going through – although he'd done a very good job convincing her he felt nothing. He did it at the convention, and he did it after nearly every emotional moment between them for three years.

But Annie did know he was no longer that guy deep down. Just like she wasn't that girl she'd been years ago either. Yet they both tended to turn into their old selves in challenging moments.

However, if Jeff really wanted to do that here, he would have pushed Annie away by now. Yet he was staying quiet, wrestling with himself and perhaps considering opening up to her.

Well, he wouldn't open up to a childish, selfish Annie. She wouldn't let him.

What he needed now was a friend who'd listen to him, try to understand him and not let him go through this turning point alone. Annie knew what it was like to want that and not get it most of the time. But now that Jeff was ready for it, she wouldn't let him down.

She sat next to Jeff, making sure her sympathetic look wasn't a Disney look. When she was ready, she put her hand on his wrist to get his attention.

"Jeff, it's okay. You can say whatever you want. Or not," Annie assured. "Don't say or not say anything just to make me happy. Your happiness counts too."

Jeff lifted his face up, so that was a good sign. At least until Annie saw the lost look in his eyes.

"You shouldn't be that generous to me," he started. "The only reason you get carried away is because I don't tell you things. I know you hate uncertainty, and I let you go through it anyway. If you knew that…._this _isn't one-sided, you wouldn't feel like a child."

Despite those implications, Annie made herself relax and say, "I've still been childish anyway. Maybe we both have."

"That's not who you are. It's more like me than you," Jeff confessed. "Let's not single you out here. Not without the proper context."

Annie didn't ask out loud for that proper context. She just kept her hand on Jeff's wrist, hoping it would help him calm down. His face started to look steady again, although it didn't have its old impassive look on yet. Even when he looked at Annie again, he still looked fully engaged.

"Like I said, I imagined a happy married life with you for _a second_," Jeff started. "But that's too long for me to handle right away. That's why I needed time to myself. Or with other people. Women. Just_ time_, nothing more," he quickly added.

Annie nodded, appreciating how Jeff clarified that right away. He continued, "I didn't get super drunk, so that was progress. Not like when I looked in my heart and kept seeing you before Shirley's…."

Jeff clammed up, clearly not comfortable with that level of honesty. "Right, that was too much too soon," he commented.

Once Annie figured out when Jeff might have looked in his heart, she wanted to ask more. Not following up on something like that was hard, especially for someone who craved clarity. Yet Jeff was already trying to give her that, and if she pressed him, it wouldn't help either of them.

"What else do you want to say?" Annie asked gently, making sure he knew it was still up to him.

"I've said everything there is to say about the convention. After that…." Jeff lost his voice again.

Annie hadn't had any awkward moments with Jeff after the convention, against all odds. She didn't see how she could have made things better or worse for him, but this wasn't all about her.

"I did a good job living with it. Until my not-Britta shrink got it out of me," Jeff revealed. "He's used to my anti-marriage and anti-relationship rants, so repeating them killed some time. Then he asked me to do an experiment."

"What kind of experiment?" Annie wondered.

"A real, honest to God psych experiment. Britta free and everything," Jeff bragged. This wasn't the time for Britta bashing – especially with a weaker joke than usual. But if Jeff needed old comforts before telling this story, Annie wouldn't interfere. She'd apologize to Britta in her head later.

"If I could ever marry anyone, he wanted to know who," Jeff explained. "He wanted me to describe all the qualities of my ideal wife. Not her name, not any physical stuff. Just personality details. He asked me to come up with them without even thinking."

Annie squeaked out an "Oh" and tried to stay impassive. She willed her brain to power down, which was difficult under normal circumstances. But Jeff paused long enough for Annie to get ready, so she could hear his list without making mental comparisons. To anyone.

"The first thing I figured out is I don't want her to be my mom," Jeff started.

"No one does. I know that much," Annie said in a deliberately light tone. "Trust me, moms aren't the best role models."

"It's not like that. That was the first surprise," Jeff said seriously. "My mom put up with my dad longer than she should have. Then she clung to me when he finally had enough of us. If I was going to marry someone, I don't want her to be passive or clingy. I don't want her to just serve me and take my abuse, either."

Annie cringed at Jeff's late choice of words, but he went on before she could protest. "She'd have to be someone tough. Someone who could call me out on my crap when I'm going too far. She'd know my limitations and try not to nag me _too_ much. But she could still change me without me even knowing it."

"You'd want to change?" Annie asked.

"If I was married, I'd have changed already, right?" Jeff pointed out. "And if I was that far gone, I'd want to do it right. I'd want someone who wouldn't let me off the hook, but who wouldn't give up on me. Not because she's scared or timid or co-dependent. Because she's smart, independent, brave….and still choosesto believe in me."

Annie liked Mrs. Winger already. Jeff certainly made her look better than Annie Winger for certain. "Is that all?" Annie checked.

"Not yet," Jeff assured. "I had a few more things after that. Like how she has her own life and career, so she doesn't have to bug me all the time. She has a job that she loves, but she still notices me enough to see when something's wrong. And she makes me face it, even when I don't want to."

"You want that too? Future Jeff really has come a long way," Annie tried to tease.

"Don't remind him, he can hear your sarcasm. They have time travel stuff for that in the future. He won a big case about it," Jeff played along. He and Annie were relieved by their comic banter, yet she knew it was just temporary.

"And she can keep up with me, too," Jeff resumed. "She has a way with words, just like me. She can win debates honestly and by cheating, and she'll even let me win sometimes. I mean, if I'm spending that much time with a woman with our clothes on, I should at least want to talk to her."

"Wow, if past Jeff could hear you now," Annie chimed in.

"That's what I said," present Jeff revealed. "But this woman can't be one-night stand quality. She has to be more. She'd have to have so many layers to her that I've never get bored. Even if she was boring to other people, she'd have fun sides that no one else was smart enough to see. And it'd make me feel special for seeing it anyway."

He looked almost adorably embarrassed as he finished, "Let's face it. I don't want an airhead, Jeff worshipping sexpot for a wife. I kind of want…."

"An equal partner," Annie finished. Jeff looked awkward enough to confirm that she was right. "Awww, Britta would be so proud," Annie added.

"Which is why you'll swear a blood oath so she never finds out. For all of our sakes," Jeff insisted.

"I'll just swear an oath, thanks. I know how braggy she can get, so I don't need to give blood," Annie said. Jeff's silence indicated she was off the hook, and also made her ask, "So is _that_ all?"

"She has to be a survivor," Jeff went on. "If she's going to put up with me, she has to be battle tested. She has to know how hard life can be, but she chooses not to give up on it. Or anyone else. It's how she could love someone like me. And know how to walk away and move on if I'm too much."

"Jeff, you wouldn't do that. Not if you were that ready," Annie reassured.

"You don't know that for sure," Jeff grimly said. "But it wouldn't be _that _bad. Not if I couldn't ruin her for good. Not if she could save herself and find a real life beyond me. She wouldn't be ruined by heartache and pain for decades. Not like some people."

"Jeff…." Annie tried to start, yet he was too far gone to stop.

"That's who she is, Annie. She'd have to be the strongest, smartest, toughest, most capable woman I've ever met. And she'd be beautiful in ways that I've never noticed in a woman before. Not just physically, although that would be huge too." Jeff finally stopped, then looked shy as he resumed, "That's as far as I got before he pointed out the pattern."

"Pattern?" Annie repeated.

"You don't see it yet? It won't make you look childish if you do," Jeff promised. "Then again, it took me a while to accept it. It's still taking a while, even now. No matter how much this helps."

"Jeff, what do you need help with?" Annie asked, her voice getting shaky as she started to really think this over.

"Not much. Just that I have all these sappy standards for my ideal wife. And _every single_ one of them describes someone I already know," Jeff revealed.

Annie knew he wasn't talking about Shirley. Maybe not even about Britta.

When she ruled that out, all she could do was drop her jaw. "Yeah, that's about how I took it at first," Jeff noted.

"It's not possible," Annie muttered.

"How do you think I feel? But that's life for me now, apparently," Jeff conceded.

"But you….and I just….the way I felt," Annie started rambling, yet Jeff cut her off.

"Annie, you don't have to second guess yourself anymore," Jeff started. "You only thought your feelings were obsessive, or childish, or some fixer-upper complex, because I let you. It was just some stupid stall tactic before I could accept the truth. I just stood by and let you second guess it too much first."

"Why….why do you know that and I don't?"Annie made herself ask. "_If_ that's true, it's still kind of sad. I should know myself better than that. I shouldn't need you to tell me how I feel."

"I shouldn't need you to show me how I feel, but you do. Even when you don't try, you do," Jeff credited. "You help me when I'm too stupid or scared to figure something out myself. Why shouldn't I do the same for you?"

Annie felt a little offended by the stupid part, but Jeff brushed past it. "That's how we_ really_ work. We're more than capable of doing things ourselves. When we aren't, we turn to each other and it works out. But we both let ourselves twist it into something wrong or creepy, because it's too scary to face that it isn't. Letting you think that's all on you…." he left hanging for a second. "I like lying, but that's _way _too big of a lie. Even for me."

"Jeff, if you're just saying that…." Annie warned.

"It'd be so much easier if I was," Jeff protested. "Unfortunately, I know better. We let dumb, misguided parts of our brains twist everything around too much. But they're not who we really are. Well, not who _you _are, anyway. If I told you this a lot earlier, you never would have forgotten that."

Jeff sighed and added, "That's on me and I'm really, really sorry. For that and other stuff." He said it quickly before he could take it back, yet Annie heard it all too clear. That was the only clear thing about this for her.

"I want to believe you," Annie admitted. "But I've been shamed and slandered about my feelings, by you _and _myself, for too long. Now I don't know what I should believe."

Annie took a few breaths, then stabilized herself to state, "I wish I could have just one simple thing. One thing that can't be twisted to make me feel like a little girl. One thing that makes me go forward and _stay _there, not backwards a few weeks later. Am I even allowed to have that now? Are _you_?"

Neither of them answered for several seconds. Annie couldn't even predict what Jeff might say to that. But any of her guesses would have been wrong, once he really asked, "Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"What?"Annie exclaimed. "Why are you asking that?"

"This is me taking a step forward," Jeff explained. "I owe you for getting the Dean off my back. And I owe you a bunch of other things. I can get started by making you dinner, and then make a few other gestures later on. If you'll let me."

"Are you serious?" Annie checked. "Are you just offering, or is this real?"

"The fact you had to ask that proves how far I have to go," Jeff lamented. "But if I'm going to do it, I'm doing it right."

"So you're using dinner? You're not going right to kissing first?" Annie asked, only out of curiosity.

"No. Not like that," Jeff said, before he seemed to realize what he meant. When Annie took in the implications, she struggled not to blush. Jeff actually looked redder as he grumbled, "Well, it's not like that came out of nowhere, is it?"

"My life is complicated enough right now, Jeff. So is yours. I don't know if this would make it easier," Annie said.

"I don't either," Jeff echoed.

"And I don't really want to get married. Not like I imagined at the convention. Maybe that helped me more than I thought," Annie conceded.

"I still don't want it either. But there are lots of things I didn't think I wanted. Now…." Jeff hesitated. "Maybe I should at least try them before I make any judgments. But I have a lot to prove first."

"No you don't. Don't underestimate yourself like that," Annie urged.

"You do the same and we'll have a deal," Jeff smirked. Annie bit back an understanding smile of her own, but not by much.

"Annie, I don't know what'll come out of this. But it can't be worse than what I've been doing. If I have 10 weeks left at Greendale, I can't wait until the last one to do something," Jeff admitted. "And I can't let you look and feel like something you're not while I twiddle my thumbs. Not anymore."

"It's not just up to you, Jeff," Annie reminded. "There's a lot we both have to work out."

"Then let's start here. We lost our chance to hang out at Halloween and the convention. Let's get back that lost time first. Then we'll get back more later. Even if it isn't in the bedroom," Jeff dared to hint.

"Letting old Jeff get some words in?" Annie needled. "That's okay, he's good in small doses. He's more than good, actually. As long as he's not too over the line, he's really something. So are all the Jeffs, really," she let herself remember.

"You overestimate them. But maybe it's time they earned it," Jeff said. "If they haven't done too much damage….do you want to have dinner with just me?"

Annie had analyzed and overanalyzed everything about her and Jeff for years, due to his jerky denial and her own fears. But as complicated as her and Jeff were, they didn't have to be that complicated. No matter how some outer and inner influences had made them pervert it, to coin an unfortunate phrase.

She had normal feelings for someone. Feelings that were never childish and obsessive, no matter what influence made her act and think otherwise. Especially now that she knew Jeff felt something too. That it wasn't just her.

She knew all of that deep down, and she always knew it. Apparently she needed Jeff to tell her what she already knew, before she could remember it. But the fact that he was willing to try now….

Annie had her answer. Without letting her imagination run away, she had her answer.

She may have smirked too big before she said it, though. That might have been why Jeff rolled his eyes and joined in when she said, "I do."

After mocking her cheesiness for a while, Jeff got down to business. He had a wide variety of good dinner food to choose from, since he had to keep his beloved temple – and its abs – on the upkeep. Annie avoided dwelling on that, partly because she had some tough choices to make from Jeff's menu.

Once she made her choices, Jeff cooked them and only needed help with one or two things. By then, the ice had broken enough for them to talk all throughout dinner.

They talked about everything else they went through at the Hunger Deans, Halloween and the convention when they weren't together. Jeff somehow got Annie to betray Britta and Troy with a little gossip, and Annie paid him back by creeping him out with Pierce mansion stories. Once he called a truce, he even offered to listen to Annie talk about forensics class.

Since Annie came here right from school, she had some forensics textbooks and notes to show off. With Troy, Abed and Britta in their own worlds, she didn't really have anyone to talk to about her new major, or the new direction in her life. But since forensics was linked to the law, Jeff knew some stuff about it, and looked happy that Annie was a part of it.

This also brought back memories of their Law and Order adventure, as relieving the pre Starburns-death part of it got them through dessert. They got through another hour talking about Jeff's search for a new law firm after graduation, debating which movie characters their new history professor looked like, and what foods Shirley would stuff them with for Thanksgiving. By the time that made them hungry again, Annie realized she should get going.

Jeff didn't put up a fight, although they both wondered how strong they'd be if he did. Yet they looked at peace as Annie headed to the door.

"We should do this again sometime," Jeff dared to offer first. "I know we've chickened out on spending time together lately. But even if we fix that in group, I wouldn't mind having you here once in a while. Even if you just need a break from your den brothers and their other babysitter."

"Well, maybe I shouldn't visit the library _every _time that happens," Annie relented. "But I shouldn't come here that often. Not at first. If the Dean really tries to give you space, it won't help if he sees me here every few days. I took a risk staying this long today."

"How do you do it?" Jeff inquired. "How can you keep feeling for people like….that?" Annie sensed that he wasn't just talking about the Dean.

"I guess that's just who I am. I understand people like..._that_, all too well," Annie stressed. "It's why I want them to turn out better than me."

"That's not possible for a number of reasons," Jeff said. "It's why all of…._this_ means something. No matter what old Jeff made you think. Remember that next time some jackass makes you think that way, okay?"

"I'm sure you'll be the first to know if I do," Annie teased. After their shared smiles ran their course, they were left wondering how to wrap it all up.

Jeff briefly inched towards her, but kept his distance. Annie knew it might mean more if he closed the gap first. Yet she sensed it'd mean more to her, and give him something to shoot for, if she took the leap first.

Annie didn't go to kiss him on the lips. Instead, she gave him a soft but long and lingering kiss on the cheek. In some ways, it was more romantic and meaningful than the Transfer kiss. When she broke off and leaned back to look at Jeff, she saw his stunned look turn into a cheesy one.

If this was one of those times where Annie forgot herself, she would have turned googly eyed and started to dream their wedding. However, those spells were built on girlish fantasies. This moment was built on something real. Jeff told her so.

This real moment was better than all fantasies put together, even without kissing or marriage. She didn't feel like too much of a girl, because Jeff was kind of acting like one too, and she knew it – and she knew that he kind of liked it. Because he kind of liked her.

What daydream could be better than that reality?

All Annie knew – and hoped to remember – was that there was no point in finding one anymore.

"Good night, Milady Winger," Jeff interrupted her reverie. Annie couldn't help but feel a little awkward, although Jeff looked worse. "Too soon?"

Perhaps it was. But that shared bit of awkwardness, and his attentiveness, showed Annie they were on the same page. It made all the difference in the world.

"I'll let you know. Milord," Annie gave a courteous but sly bow, already wondering how her senioritus could strike this apartment next time. The smile/smirk that blossomed would give Jeff something to think about as she left the room.

Annie was close to cloud nine as she walked down the hall, but not dangerously so. She knew it when she noticed that Dean Pelton's apartment door was open a bit, and the Dean was watching from behind.

But when he saw that she saw him, he gasped and covered up, "No, wait, it's not what it looks like! I wasn't watching his door for the _whole _four hours anyway! My tango heels don't have to pay for that, right?" He laughed nervously and shut the door, perhaps to enjoy his heels before they became part of Senioritus Annie's next prank.

Yet regular Annie could let it slide. After all, taking baby steps seemed to be a common theme tonight. Even if her and Jeff's steps were more like toddler steps. But even that seemed to underestimate it.

Whenever Annie's feelings got away from her, for whatever puzzling reason, she was shamed into feeling that it was obsessive and inaccurate –whether by Jeff, the outside world or her own inner fears. But she wasn't allowed to see how Jeff was going through the same thing. That it wasn't one-sided or wrong – that they really were equal. That she wasn't alone.

Now that they saw that, their true dynamic and what they meant to each other couldn't be ignored or slandered anymore.

It made Annie feel safe to think this might have been the best first date of her life. She couldn't be influenced to feel like a stupid girl for that. Because now she knew she might not be the only one who thought that way.

As it turned out, she really wasn't. And now Jeff finally knew how to show it to her.

**THE END**


End file.
